Top 12 in 2012

Just go with it....no particular order

1. Anxiety: When making friends always remember that the friend and I are most likely very similar. This is not super helpful when neither of us want to drive over a bridge in a particular small although super sporty red rental car. 

2. Boats: Overall, not a good idea. I will thank him publicly. He knows who he is. I had a very bad near drowning experience over the summer. Completely my fault (lack of judgement). He jumped in without hesitation. I will be forever thankful. We both know it...Moving on.

3. Cooking: I really hate it. It's a work in progress. I think it's a patience thing. I make excuses in my head like...maybe I would like to cook more it if I had granite counter tops? Or, Oooh, it's probably more fun with one of those colorful cool looking 21 feature all in one food processors? Let's face it. I have no idea how to even work one of those. Either way, my children get fed.

4. Dancing: The best dance of all is the "My period came," 15 second one. Do not judge me. I didn't say when I did this dance...I was sort of married in the beginning of the year. Either way, it can all be related back to one word. Ambien.

5. Emergencies: A single mom emergency is not always the same as an "actual" emergency.  I'm working on this too.

6.  Friendships: I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for the wonderful gals in my life. They know who they are. They are worth their weight in tequila.

7. Grad school: It's lurking...Rearing its ugly head every now and then.  Quite a few of my friends have already started programs. Whatever, overachievers. I'm going to continue to continually think about postponing it..For just a little bit longer.

8. Happiness: The other day I looked in the mirror and I saw myself.  Obviously. But this time I saw something different. Completely. I saw smiling eyes looking back. Sappy, but ABSOLUTELY true.

9. Idiots: Larger population in the single men gene pool. I'm not ready to talk about that yet. Eventually. But let's just say...slim pickens ladies. Slim pickens.

10. Kiddos: Easy to explain. My heart. My soul. My everything. I don't have to be a super mom. I just have to be their mom. I am blessed. Truly.

11. Vacation: Best to spend it with someone that you actually like. So much easier. Who doesn't like the beach after all? One day I will live by the sea.

12. Writing: I know it seems like I went in alphabetical order. That's because I did. You're thinking...OCD much? Although I didn't plan it that way. However, sometimes what comes out is completely different than what I originally perceived. In a good way. That is the whole lesson for 2012.  And the word that I am using to sum up my entire year is....... THANKFUL!!!!!!!!

This sh*t is REAL!!!!

Yes, this shit is real. This was a comment made by a friends relative on facebook. Back story. Wait for it, wait for it...... Basically, her relative in a nutshell is running out of unemployment time and now has to go out and search for a job. Lets keep in mind that  I write about things that I perceive to be funny. Fact...I am surrounded by a group of awesome folks who constantly keep me laughing. I can turn almost any situation into a WTF moment.  It's a gift. At least that's how I view it.   Please do not think I am  passing judgement. I understand the need for unemployment and how so many Americans today do not have a job. Men and women who are ready, willing and able desperately hoping for an opportunity to go back to work. I get that, I really do. However, I'm not exactly sure that the person in question falls into that category.  Either way...no if ands or buts about it, this was the most hilarious thing I have heard all week. I was consumed with breathtaking laughter for quite some time.  We both were . On a side note...I'm a big believer in "earning" your living. In my opinion, work is good for the soul.  I always say that if I won the lottery I would donate most of it. Ok..that's just a theory. That could always change. Here's just a short list of what I wouldn't purchase...
1. Gold toilets?
2. An excessive collection of some ridiculous looking figurines. In my head looks like Precious Moments...I don't know.
3. Obviously....no weird exotic type of animal...Especially if they fall into the big cat spectrum.
All of these things I have seen on the Lottery changed my life show. Unreal America. Starving children...No one needs gold toilets.

Conclusion: I AM IN NO POSITION TO JUDGE, but yes...This shit is real.

The Entitled Offspring

I think it might be time for an overall parenting makeover, on my part at least. True, my children are kind, polite, gentle and say please and thank you...BUT they are also acting a little entitled as of late. Here's how the story goes. I let my children open up one gift today. I usually let them each open up one  gift early.  My older son got an I tunes gift card. My daughter got a pair of cowgirl boots. The baby just some bath toys (he didn't really care, he was more involved in the paper.) Daughter: This is all I get? How come I didn't get something more fun? Son: Mom, We really need to upgrade the gaming system we have. We have something way cooler at our dads house. I shot them both a Medusa look. Me: Are you kidding me right now? You griped all fall about wanting these cowgirl boots. You think we need a gaming system update? What you both need is a REALITY CHECK. Do you know how many children don't even get ONE Christmas gift? Do you know how many children just want a hot meal? Walk away...followed by a count to ten, which ended up being a count to 50. How did these children get this way? Then it dawns on me. Oh yes....I'm part of the problem. So are their grandparents (many sets with divorced and then remarried parents.) Those poor kids..Let's make up for it by buying them every gift under the sun so they never have to want for anything. I'm guilty of it as well. I know. Fixing the problem. Hmmmm. This is a hard one. Teaching them the act of being appreciative needs to come from me. I need to model the virtue of a grateful heart. In my head I do this. I am very  grateful. Actually, the word that I am going to use regarding the whole year of 2012 is THANKFUL!!! I'm not sure why they're missing the message. I realize that some of this behavior is normal and that comparatively to their friends they are pretty appreciative. I have seen one of my daughter's friends have a full course melt down when she didn't get the right color of  shirt at her birthday party. I couldn't stop staring...It was unreal. In my head I kept envisioning those little ingrates on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. However, that doesn't do anything to help my cause. It just shows me that I need to definitely take action now. So here's what I'm going to do.
1) More volunteer work, with kiddos in tow. Soup kitchen, Elderly visits. There's got to be some sort of volunteer with your kids program.
2) Reinforce good behavior. Manners, kindness etc. Give credit when credit is due.
3) Buy them less, and instruct grandparents to do so as well.
4) Spending budget? ( Maybe, those words don't flow well out of my mouth)

Conclusion: That's all I have so far. I am going to start this after the new year. I will post about how it goes. I'm hoping for the best. I can't exactly go all "Swiss Family Robinson" and move them to a deserted island and catch our dinners and build our home. We all know how that would turn out. Bottom line. Saying does not go" Give your kids a fish so they can ask for a PS3," but I might be wrong :)

Preparing for the Snowpocalypse...

What happens when you combine the first snow of the season within 24 hours of the end of the world? In my head...Snowpocalypse, perhaps. Let me just preface that these 2 events are currently in the alleged category. Either way it means a trip to Walgreen's. I love Walgreen's. It's so close and it has a perfect combination of just about everything one could ever need. Yes...I know it's a little bit more expensive then the local grocery but well worth not having to drag 3 kiddos out too far in the rain (snowpocalypse precursor apparently). Mainly, what I needed was some chips and dip for a work shindig but I also decided to stock up on some things, just in case. In my basket: 2 bags of Tostitos, 2 jars of dip, 3 bags of Corn puffs (staple), 1/2 gallon of milk, scotch tape (never can have enough of this), pop and bread. The bread was a battle. There was only 1 loaf left and a older gentleman and I both locked eyes on it at the same time. I mean older as in 50ish. He looked at me and the 3 kids and then he realized he had lost, just on principal alone and strolled on by. He was irritated. Yeah..Merry Christmas to you too Ass, but out loud I said "Thank You" complimented with a huge smile. Whatever Grinch. I know...borderline boring story except for the Mayan apocalypse thing. Here's the funny part. Son: Mom, maybe you should grab an extra bottle of wine. Perhaps I'm sending the wrong message. Me: Ok dear, but I have some wine at home that has been sitting there for 2 months...Eye roll from me (seriously, when did he become so judgemental). Daughter: Why are all of these people here and why is everyone acting so crazy?  Son: Um duh...Didn't you hear that it's going to be the end of the world on Friday? Daughter: No...who the heck said that? That is just plain stupid. Me: Honey, don't use that word please. Daughter: Seriously, that is dumb....Me: I know dear. Agreed.

PS...Okay, all of those things in my grocery cart plus 1 bottle of wine. Red. It's good for the heart and it was ON SALE. I mean...just in case :)

Beans on the ceiling.....

This is a picture of my actual ceiling. If you look very closely, you will see something brown that resembles and is in fact, a bean stain. You're thinking hmmm, how odd? Not in my world. Here's my rationale. On a whole, parenting in general is stressful on most days. Comparatively equated to a ride through hell...if you will. It becomes twice as hard when you do the majority of the job solo. However, that being said, being a mother is also the best thing that has ever happened to me. I realize that the coupling of responsibility and joy these children bring into my life isn't something that I can even begin to measure. This is one of those stories and a reminder of how blessed I am to be their mom. Enough sapp. Ok. One day after I had finished eating dinner (beans was one of the sides) I started the task of clearing off the table and dish rinsing. My two older children were still eating. Of course, my back was turned to them and I was focused on dishes and not paying much attention to what they were doing. The baby was crawling around the living room and I didn't have much time before I needed to go and grab him. After I left the room I kept hearing giggling coming from the table. The giggling did make me a little nervous (usually means mischief)  but I was pretty focused on our nightly rituals at that point, which includes: baths, snacks, teeth brushing and bedtime. Nothing out of the norm. The next morning at breakfast for no particular reason in general I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Me: Uhhhh, hey guys...what is that on the ceiling? Kids: What, what are you talking about? Me: I don't know...the brown bean that is now clearly obvious and stuck to the ceiling. What a coincidence...we had beans last night at dinner. Kids: Weird...I wonder how it got there? Me: Yeah, me too. Followed by an extreme amount of smiling/laughter all while trying to keep a straight face, until I finally started giggling too. To clarify...I did remove the bean, but when my dad came and repainted the ceilings of my house I told him the kitchen was ok and that he didn't need to paint it. This was hard for my wonderfully perfectionist father. Him: You have some sort of stain up there...you sure you don't want me to paint it? Me: No dad, it fine. Him: You sure? It won't take long. Me: Dad...thank you but leave the DAMN bean stain up there... please. Him: You girls drive me nuts. Me: I know dad...I know. Yes, when it comes to my children I am somewhat sentimental. Along the same line as probably why I don't mind little hand prints on my mirrors (yes they get cleaned) but it makes me smile. Also the same reason why when my last child takes a sharpie to the wall instead of painting over it..I am just going to stick an empty frame around it. He's the LAST one...yes, last. It's an act worth commemorating.

Conclusion: When I am having an OMG mom moment where I want to lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes to escape the madness (and sometimes do)  I will remember that someday life will slow down. I will miss their laughter, their hand prints, their missing teeth under their pillows and even the damn Disney princess movies. I remind myself of that every time I see that bean stain on my ceiling. Life is too short. Kiss your little ones extra hard tonight and be thankful you have been given this opportunity. Not everyone has :)

Overwhelming the country mouse....

Ahhh. The city and the country mouse fable. One of my absolute favorites. I know that behind the story there is a deep rooted meaning of living a simple vs complex life and how by doing this the country mouse never wanted for anything and kept himself out of trouble. The city mouse...not so  much. Whatever, I get it. I'm part of the problem...I'm okay with it. When I was little I remember  thinking how bored that country mouse must be. Quick pause for capitalistic society upbringing recognition and thanks. I feel like we're working on it, kind of.  Ok..back to the real issue. I had a friend come and visit me this past weekend. He lives in and is from a VERY small town. My version of  a country mouse. He has traveled to larger cities prior. This was not his first outing...Thank you Jesus.  However, he was still surprised by what he saw. I do not live in a big city. It is located close to a biggish city. In my opinion it is rather small in comparison to I don't know...Boston (a big city in my head.)  Here is what made me laugh about the visit. At dinner I ordered a large margarita (not driving.) Apparently, margaritas are smaller in the country. Well here..in the city, we have small, medium, large and jumbo. The jumbo is a BIG one..2 hander. Another question. At the movies. Him: You guys have laser tag inside of your movie theatre? I was walking out and I did glance over at the Laser Tag sign that apparently I had never noticed before? Amazing what little things we take for granted. Me: Umm, I guess we do. I don't really "play" laser tag often. Why, you guys don't? Followed by a strange look. Ok, not super funny. I'm getting there give me a second. Another thing. Getting a pumpkin latte at Starbucks which is conveniently located inside my local Target (pronounced Tarjay...in my head, french and all :) ) Me: You guy's don't have a Starbucks in your Target? Him: We don't have a Target....Oh...Oh... The thing that impressed the  country mouse beyond belief turns out to be our local Waffle House. Goes like this. Him: Oh My God...What is that? That's your guy's Waffle House? Me: Uhh..Yeah, sure is.  Him: Wow, that's amazing!!! It's ridiculous. Where do the truck driver's park? Me: I'm not really sure? I don't think they go to that one. Him: Our Waffle House is like the size of a shoe box. Me: Are you serious right now? Out of all the things you have seen, the Waffle House is what makes you lose your shit?  Really??  Him: It's so new and shiny...and it's not gross like ours is at home. Me: Yeah...I wouldn't know, I don't eat there..If I'm feeling at all like waffles I would rather just skip it and do crepes, so much better overall.  Followed by the most bewildered look of sadness in his eyes that basically stated "I feel so sorry for that insanely beautiful Waffle House that you are to snobby to eat at here in the city look." Him: Can we stop and go in and take pictures? Me: No, we're not doing that. I'm sure there's some on the google...perhaps?

PS...In my defense, it was pouring down rain and I think that the Waffle House employees might have called the police if someone just walked in looking amazed and started taking random shots of the employees and the booths. Yes, he was also shocked that there were more than 2 employees working there at one time. I know...I know, I should of let him stop and do it. I will next time...Fine :)

Mom....You're Dog is acting like a PUSSY!!!

Please know that the word up above in all caps was damn near impossible for me to type without wanting to insert an asterisks sign. What is even more concerning is that those words actually came out of my 8 year old daughter's mouth. Let me paint a picture. My kiddos had spent almost a full week at their father's house during the Thanksgiving holiday. I went to pick them up tonight after a long day of working.  We arrive home. I ask my daughter to help me and to let the dog out of his kennel to go outside. It's cold..he hesitates, I get it. My daughter then says and I quote..."Mom, you're dog is acting like a pussy, he doesn't want to go outside."At that moment I stopped dead in my tracks. My son tried jumping to his sisters defense, or just to try to jump in period. I think he feared for her...Truly. What happened next went as follows: The look of terror in my eyes. Followed by the look of confusion and the instant dropping of my bag unexpectedly. His mouth opened to speak before my mouth was even shut. He said..."We don't say that word here." Again..what?  Clarification please.  As in...You're ALLOWED to say words of that caliper at your dad's house? "No, mom." Backpedal followed by him thinking extremely fast on his feet and then some tripping over his own words. "I mean, we've heard that word before though." "Really, Because I'm 100% certain I've never said it!" By this point my daughter is crying, not realizing the severity or perhaps meaning of the word she used. Although...She did use it completely correct if she wanted to refer to a woman's anatomy in a derogatory way. Again, she did not hear that come out of my feminist liberal mouth..for sure. I explained to her that it was not her fault. Sometimes things seems to make sense at the time when you say them..sort of. That perhaps she thought it meant something else? That it's okay to say it one time on ACCIDENT but If I EVER hear it again...like that, or just otherwise, it will be followed by a punishment. I made it VERY CLEAR that this was her one time get out of jail free card and I better not EVER hear it again. She seemed to understand and apologized. I then started the task of explaining why people use that word in general to different things in essence making a round about reference to girls/women being the whiny weaker counterpart of men. That's when she had the Ahh Haa moment.  I could see the little Oh Heck No wheels spinning in her head...Yes, she is my daughter and she FINALLY got the reference!!! The next thing I did after I put the kids to bed was to send a text message to her father regarding his daughter using the P word and maybe IF he was using that word perhaps he could TRY to sensor it around his OWN DAUGHTER!!!  He then proceeded to tell me she probably heard me say it...I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Yeah...I'm constantly throwing down the P word over here...Using it in sentences. Referring to my own anatomy in a derogatory way..Whatever idiot.
Conclusion:
I'm no angel..Less June Cleaver..more Kathy Griffin. They might have heard me curse a time or two but I try not too, and I'm working on it. But rest assured...no P word usage at this household.
 I'm a firm believer in picking my battles. When dealing with crazy or even semi crazy it's best just to pick things that are only COMPLETE DEAL BREAKERS to have conversations with their father about.
The dealbreakers list...so far...
1. Don't let the kids run with knives, or scissors..duh.
2. If you're going to cuss please don't use derogatory horrible words either referring to vagina's, other races, or homosexuals...I'm not going to tolerate any of those words...EVER.
3. And please remember that although you watch a super cool show about a biker gang (Sons of Anarchy) that it's probably not appropriate to let our son watch it. I don't watch the show myself..but I hear there are some serious sexual scenes, raping of women, kidnapping, and other EXTREME things that PROBABLY isn't the best TV choice for a 10 year old...Seriously, no brainer.

The cherry on my sundae...It gets even better. My little baby's dad told me that he was starting to notice that he was beginning to take his fingers and act like he was shooting things, like a gun. He then asked me if I...had shown him this?? Inside my head I thought...hmmm...seems like this is a natural thing that little boys learn and just do, but rest assured in all of my FREE time as a single mom to 3 kids, working my rear off and running a household and moving at 90 miles an hour most of the time... does that seem like a Valid question to even ask? But out loud I said.."Oh yeah...Did I not tell you? We started shooting guns over here this week...a little pre toddler get him ready for deer season if you will, seemed like a good idea to me, don't you agree?" Of course..he was speechless, and THAT made the whole P word usage and otherwise rough day in general ALL WORTH IT!!!!
Happy Monday

1 fat leg and a pair of hooker boots please....

A true letter

Dear Ellen,
I am in need of a new pair of boots. Hooker boots if you will. They're not for me, but for a really great friend. Here is the back story, always important when asking for something of this nature. I have a friend named Stella. Her husband is in the military and she moves around with him. I could play the whole military card, which is awesome because he has served our country and has been overseas and all of that (was once a DJ in Kuwait..random) but I'm not going to go that route. I feel as though it was divine intervention that she was sent to this great state of Missouri (termed Misery by some) to help me. We're kind of two peas in a pod. I was in a horrible marriage. I didn't really recognize it, but she did right away. She likes to say that she is responsible for my divorce...in a good way. Her whole WTH attitude and her general assessment was spot on, and I will be forever grateful to her for it.. Okay enough sapp. The MAIN reason of this letter is to tell you that she is in desperate need..of hooker boots. IT'S ACTUALLY THE ONLY THING I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS!!!! She has a condition to where one of her legs is actually bigger than the other one. It's called May-Thurner syndrome. It basically boils down to this..She has 1 fat leg...fat foot, all the way up to her pelvis because of poor blood flow. The other leg is normal size, and it overcompensates and has good blood flow. She was diagnosed with this condition when she was around 13. Since that time she has had to wear special shoes, she has to buy special jeans, all of that. Sooooo unfair. She is a very small petite person and she weighs about 95 pounds. I swear 2/3 of that weight is in her fat leg. Just to clarify, she calls it her "fat leg." I would never call it that if she did not. She does really well with this most of the time. Because of the poor blood flow she often will get an infection from even the teeny tiniest of cuts on her foot. She has to be hospitalized a few times a year for this. She doesn't really complain about it much either!!! However, it is hard to find a pair of boots that fit her. My friends and I have all been shopping for trendy new boots (tall and skinny, up the leg) and I feel so awful that she can't wear any. I know...there are kids with cancer...I get it, but this is kind of a big deal too. What she represents to me is about ALOT more than boots. Really...not asking for money, or a trip, or a new house, or ANYTHING else. However, I would love to surprise her with boots!!!!
PS...Love you love your show...I mean you could always surprise us with boots and a babysitter, to go out and show off the new boots of course!!! A combo pack if you will..

Thanks

Haunted Housing, Golden Girl Style

Yes. You read the caption right. That's right. Haunted Houses. I don't know what possessed me to think I was in my early 20's versus my current age of 35. I think it was somehow related to some great friends and a minor amount of peer pressure. Whatever..It was fun, sort of. Ahhh. Haunted houses take me back to my younger days of going on dates in my late teens.  Boys who worked feverishly to afford to take me to Denny's post night out. I think some of them might have borrowed their mom's credit card to pay. It's the thought that counts right?  The eventful night in question started out with margaritas. Perhaps, this is where I went wrong. 1 margarita, 2 margarita, 3 margarita's later (do not judge, I was not driving) all 4 of us piled into the car to head down to the super scary haunted houses area. Not only is it scary inside but it is also a little bit scary outside as well. We stopped to use the restroom at a local gas station. This is where I proceeded to ummm...trip UP a curb. Curb check if you will, with my ankle. Totally busted my ass. Awesome. At the time, there was no pain and it was fine. Again, hindsight vision is always 20/20. However, we were on a mission. Girls out without kiddos or doggies on a Thursday!!!! That's right...MID WEEK. We stood in a VERY LONG line for the first haunted house. Alongside us was about 200 pre-teens, and maybe a few teens. Oh, and one very lonesome lost looking dad, who clearly had drawn the short straw on the parenting front. I felt for him..I really did. During the line wait the usual happened where the weirdo guy comes around with his rat (no one is afraid of rats..hamsters are the real biters, duh) and proceeds to put him inside of his mouth. Sir...I have seen you do this many times, since I was 16, I'm over it. My friends and I bitched about not having a flask and having to wait in line. Finally we got to go in. It was SCARY...Like peeing our pants scary. By this time I was still hobbling on the now visibly swollen ankle that I was ignoring. We were all screaming and falling down (not due to tequila this time) and squinting our eyes shut. We made it through the first one finally. At the end there was a long slide. I'm just gonna throw it out there..straight up. The dad DID NOT go down the slide. Chicken exit...what? I felt like I am as old as him, and my rear went down it. That's right. Rock star. The second haunted house was much easier. No lines, almost closed, very late. Their peeps were much more aggressive. Once proceeded to pop my friend in the mouth. All I can say is that it's a good thing it was dark because she was about to lay an ass whipping on him. Then, they decided to call us bitches and say and I quote.. "What's up golden girls, isn't it a little late for you?" Oh hell no..this is when we all 4 got a little nuts. Eeerrrp..whoa, suddenly we weren't scared. We all turned around and gave him a BIG PIECE of our minds. Asshole..seriously. I was already having a hard time keeping Alabama in check (she knows who she is.) She was about to get straight up gangster, and Sweeps..well, she grew up in the hood so the fact that this man did not walk out holding his balls in hand was a miracle. Thank God for the sweet one in the group. I don't care what she says..she is a angel..truly :)
Moral of the story goes like this. One x-ray and 2 weeks later, Rose is still limping on her swollen ankle. It was fun..REALLY REALLY fun, but I got my ass handed to me that night, for sure. Next year maybe I will be the parent who's in line with my older son..I mean I doubt it, he has zero interest, so strange. Let me just clarify though if I am that parent there with all the kiddos...You can bet your butt I will be taking the slide down. CHICKEN!!!!!

Kidnapping an X-Box...Allegedly

This week there has been some real DB interaction. I mean..pushing to a whole new level of irritation on the Mr. No standpoint.  During these times, I look for clarity with humor. It helps, tremendously. One time I remember specifically had to deal with a trusted friend and her now..ex boyfriend. He's been an ex for a while. He takes jackassery to a whole new level. However, hindsight is 20/20 indeed. My friend has her shit together, and pretty much always has. I don't know how she managed to fall for this guy. He had the personality of an amoeba. I clearly, have no room to talk..that is besides the point. One night after they had broken up she asked for my help in a insane..Dixie Chicks type of plan. No, not Earl had to die..less law breaking on many levels, but a humdinger for sure. Let's do some background info. This boy..yes I said boy was 25. She had caught him lying to her for about the 50th time. This time, it included pictures, which of course he tried to deny even when he was caught with his hands in the cookie jar. He brought special to a whole new ballgame..field if you will.  I'm not trying to sound like a nutso femi-nazi bi atch but seriously, she was and is way out of his league..Always. I think she fell into the "I'm going to fix him category." Jobs later, minus health insurance taking substance abuse and lying to a whole new level..I think she was finally done. His loss..She clearly is a rock star, super attractive, witty, intelligent girl, who would do anything for me. So, in her revenge she wanted to get him where it really hurt. Being the grown up that he was..we went straight for the X-box. Conversation and details as follows. Her: Do you want to help me out? I'm going to misplace his X-box for an extended period of time. Me: Of course..You know you don't have to ask me twice. Her: Ok, he will be here in an hour to pick up his stuff, I will bring it over now. Me: I'm in. So, maybe we didn't really think this through too much. It would have been better to hold it for ransom, but again..Who the hell was going to pay that shit? Even though we didn't take it to the extreme level we could have the results were still AWESOME. He came over to pick up his things (X box) really, let's be honest. He was all...Where's my X-box..to which she replied, what X-box? We kept this going for at least 18 hours. That is the amount of time it took for him to have a complete melt down and lose his shit. No...not because he was losing his awesome girlfriend, not because he was jobless and she had been paying for his expenses for over 6 months..He lost it my friends..over an X-box. He threatened to call the cops, we played along for a little bit, but eventually we gave in and handed over the 12 year old in a 25 year old man body's video game..but it was rough, and we both loved EVERY minute of it. I don't care if it came across as evil. This man put her through hell and back and he is lucky I didn't beat him down myself. I threatened it, he didn't seem scared..Whatever,...he's never seen me rumble, obviously.
Conclusion: We all fall for idiots. The key is to not make the same mistake again...or times four. Don't judge.
PS- I also don't care if this post makes me or her sound completely freaking crazy. Bottom line, We absolutely are. True Story.

Sir..Where are the Pink Hammers?

Alas, a new mission. I have this 40ish lb mirror hanging in my entryway, that I love. In making changes all around I decided to move it from the wall and perhaps hang it on my fireplace mantle instead. So, off to the Home Depot I went. I love Home Depot. They are super helpful there and I'm not going to lie..a bunch of boys walking around wearing tool belts, what's not to like? Ok, focus. So there I am at Home Depot trying to explain to the guy in the isle my dilemma about my big ass mirror. Conversation went like this.
Me: I want to rehang a large mirror in my house. Him: Do you have a stud finder? Me: Um..that's a personal question. Do you think if I owned one of those I would be here in this store trying to figure out how to hang a mirror by myself? AND...wouldn't you agree that a stud finder might in nature be specific to "one owns idea" of a stud in general? I mean, that topic is certainly something that is debatable? BUT...out loud I said..No, no I don't. Him: Where do you want to hang this mirror? Me: Well it's currently hanging on the wall but I really want to hang it on the fireplace. Him: Well do you have a diamond drill bit?  Me: In my head...WTF?  First he is asking me about a stud finder and now he is asking me if I am using some sort of diamond type apparatus for drilling, instead of wearing as a jewelry piece..so I said..No..I do not have any sort of diamond drilling device at home, just jewelry. Seriously, he's got to be just f-ing with me at this point. Him: Who is going to help you hang this mirror?  Me: Uh, none of your business that's who? And we're there. I should have probably also prefaced in this post that it was PMS week and I might have been a little edgy. Doesn't matter. All that means is that my bitch o meter just moves a little quicker than usual when angered. I get that this  man was charming and trying to help. I do. I will give him credit for being patient. However, he did not have to turn it into a who's the man that's going to get this job done right issue? OH HELL NO, because even though I had no idea about this whole diamond drill situation he was really beginning to piss me off.  I was at the brink of having a I am Sheera hear me roar moment, and I'm quite sure that he had no intention of the extent of that chick and I didn't really want to have to go all femi-nazi at Home Depot today. Sensing the fact that I was getting really irritated he stopped talking and asking questions..good move sir. At this point I was just thinking that maybe I should just leave the damn mirror where it is versus buying some sort of diamond ruining drill (again waste of a diamond). So, there was a long pause where I looked at him and him at me and finally after much deliberation I said....Well, do you at least have one of those pink breast cancer awareness hammers that I keep seeing all over? I mean, it's October which is breast cancer awareness month. Him: I have no idea what you are talking about ma'am. Me: OF COURSE YOU DON'T!!! Screw it...I'm going to Lowe's.

Happy Hump Day!!!

From Disney to 50 Shades

I was watching Tangled for the umpteenth time the other day with my daughter. I like the story line..don't get me wrong. I think Walt's peeps have their hearts in the right place, truly. However, they are kind of feeding our daughter's straight up BS. Every Disney show...related to chicks or princesses or any sort of female main character, all the same. So then we have these girls, my daughter included, who think it's going to be all white horses and fairy tales. The other day I was listening intently as she talked about "when she grows up." "I can't wait to get married and have babies, after college." Because this is my mantra...Okay whatever you want to do.. AFTER COLLEGE. Running through my head though was Really, really? I bought you tonka trucks, I tried to steer you away from my families inherited obsession with shoes. I signed you up for soccer and t-ball versus dance. I made sure that you played in the mud, touched bugs and didn't exclusively wear pink. What I want to hear her say is "Mom, I can't wait until I'm a kick ass attorney and I totally rock my job." I would even settle for social worker, police officer, trash collector..whatever I'm game. This is where Walt comes in and screws us..royally. I don't recall Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella (ok, maybe her), Ariel or Bella going to college, having jobs, working? It's kind of an unrealistic story which we all love to believe in at some point during our young impressionable girl youth. Okay, maybe I'm being to hard on her. I'm sure with me as her mother she will get there, fingers crossed. Which brings me to my next point. One word. Edward. Now, after the Disney mind f -ing...Our young tweens are reading and watching a romantic love story where a mystical vampire can sense when the love of his life is in danger. It's like she doesn't even have to beckon him. He just comes magically running, at the speed of light, during any dangerous situation. Don't get me wrong. I love it. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it. We already have our tickets for the very last show because we're team Edward and we're going with some friends (child with two moms) and of course they're all team Bella..which is fine. Either way, I'm there. Yes, I'm part of the problem, I'm working on it. Finally, my last point. After our young impressionable daughters are taunted by Disney, then messed with by Edward, in comes Christian. Ahhh... Christian. Again. I get it. I'm all about the naughty romantic/soft-sometimes- hard pornish books that are all the rave. However, I am a grown woman and I REALIZE that what Christian has on the table is a complete farce. I'm hoping, no praying, that these girls of today DO NOT get their hands on these books until after they have had a little bit of life experience.  I mean again..Isn't a super attractive, billionaire, who completely worships you in an almost fatal attraction kind of way (minus the bunnies) who is well hung and can have sex 50 times a day completely the norm? Yes..totally the norm, catch my drift.
Conclusion: yes this post is a bit negative..sorry, if you can't handle it read a different freaking blog where the moms are competing to see who has the best projects-recipes and who gets the most done in 24 hours. This IS NOT that blog. Reality..Marriage can be wonderful, but a prince today is a man or woman who notices you haven't brushed your hair or teeth for 2 days and makes the connection all on his own (key point) that you might need some help. Picks up his own dirty socks off the floor. Teaches our daughters how to change their own oil and tires. Is okay that I might and possibly do make more money than him, and has his shit completely together in the bedroom. BUT and this is a big BUT..if a cool 500 year old vampire who can read my thoughts, never needs to sleep, worships the ground I walk in because he truly thinks I'm the coolest person in the world comes along...I'm out :)

Opera at 6:00 AM.....Yes Please

My kids are awesome. I feel a little guilty about writing this, like I am betraying them or something. However, this post is about the celebration of my friend Stella's kids; because they are awesome in a different way.
Every morning, that's right EVERY morning..my friend's son wakes up at 6:00 AM and belts out the star spangled banner. How cool is that? Not only does he sing the star spangled banner, but he does it in an opera voice. Okay..backup. My friend has these two wonderful kids. They both fall into some sort of autism/asperger type spectrum. They are wildly different and completely inappropriate. Meeting these kiddos was a game changer. They drive her and her husband absolutely crazy. Truly freaking over the edge nuts. Me being who I am, awesome and also mildly inappropriate, follow the madness happily. Let's see..what else. Her son was at a birthday party at my house. I walked in from outside and heard him upstairs. All of a sudden it got really quiet. I look up at my catwalk to see him face down hovering watching me. I didn't give this a second thought. He was obviously pulling a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible....duh. I did tell him if he wanted to come back to the party that it was okay, but secretly I understood that it's hard to break character in that position. At that exact same birthday party I looked over to see her daughter spreading red icing (the kind that stains) all over her arms. I get it. Her step dad was about to lose it. But when else is she going to have an opportunity to spread icing of that caliber all over her arms? I couldn't help but smile. This little girl is all spitfire. She straight up refuses spelling tests, even though she is smart enough to get all of the words right. She only likes pepperoni pizza but after she picks off the pepperoni to make it cheese. I totally agree, it's about the pepperoni grease not the actual pepperoni. The other day I was watching her and asked her to come to dinner. She paused and said "Coming." I gave her a few minutes and then reminded her of dinner. To which she replied "I SAID IN A MINUTE."  I was all...oh Hell No and reoriented her to who is the actual Queen Bee of this home. She politely came and sat at the table with us and ate dinner, sort of.
I know I'm rambling...Getting to the point. I know these kids are a handful. I know they could listen more and be less defiant. I know they are giving their mother premature gray hair. However, they know who they are at a very young age and they stick to their guns. This is something that is extremely hard to teach in today's world.
Conclusion: So while her mother pulls out her grays..I remind her that even though these kids might never move out...her daughter will be super good at spreading icing all over things (cakes of course) and that her son will probably wear a cape on his first date. And let me just say I would TOTALLY go on a second date with a guy sporting a cape. Who wouldn't??

Don't Pet the Lions

Let's face it...If you're on my friend list it's because you truly are a rock star. That's right, I don't let many people into my inner circle.  I like to say I'm choosy about whom I spend my time with. Not a lot of time for bullshit, no offense, it's just the way I roll. I have this really great friend. We are very similar  and we became fast friends during college. She's the kind of girl who would back me up during a bar fight that I started!!  Or participate in crazy over night stake outs to catch someone lying to me. She is on my short list of my bitches who are worth their weight in gold. I was reading over a text conversation that we had the other night, and I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Here's how it went. Let me preface with YES I take a sleep aid called Ambien. I used to have terrible night terrors and wake up in a complete state of panic. I have been taking a sleep aid for years and it helps out tremendously. HOWEVER...It kind of has a short time period before it takes effect to where I sometimes say funny things, FB or text people without having any memory of doing so. Whatever..it works for me. My friend used to take it as well but decided that the side effects were too weird for her. Rookie. So she is used to my weird late night texts.
Me: I have developed a huge irrational fear of lions this past year. I'm contributing most of it to animal planets show fatal attractions, but let's also keep in mind that Mr. No is a Leo.
Her: Have you already taken your Ambien? You're never going to run into a lion.
Me: Perhaps. I hear what you're saying but I am so scared shit less by them I won't even go to the zoo as of late. I'm not taking any extra chances.
Her: I'm pretty sure being a Leo doesn't make one an actual lion or activate some sort of magical lion powers or anything...
Me: Whatever, I think I have PTSD related to either lions or astrological signs of lions. There's also all those you tube videos of lions trying to paw their way through the glass to get to babies sitting on the other side of the glass. Seriously..trying to eat them. They kept showing random clips like that all summer on the news and laughing. Unreal.
Her: Ok..We went to the San Diego zoo and they're doing this animal ambassador program where they take cheetahs and raise them with a dog buddy. It's supposed to tame them. They take the cheetahs on walks with leashes around the zoo. It did freak me out a little. Bizarre.
Me: Exactly...All apart of the big cat spectrum. And by the way...those dogs are fucking dead. It's just a matter of time before those cheetahs lose their shit and turn..Plus they can run 90 mph. They are SOOOO dead. MEOW.
Her: They're supposed to turn them into BFF's. I don't know.
Me: Whatever..Just like when that lioness mom fostered that orphaned gazelle. She was all smiles and happy and they were all...Oh it's so cute..she loves him so much. And she did..Until a week later when she freaking ate his ass. I'm just saying.
Her: Bitch lion...Seriously?
Me: I know...right?
I don't know why this made me laugh so hard the next day.  Probably because I didn't have very much memory of the entire conversation. I also find it really hilarious that she just completely rolls with my crazy, without even missing a beat. You know what they say..Crazy bitch birds of a feather usually flock together. Bottom line..I'm okay with that label and the best part is that she is too.
On a separate note...I'm not ready to give up the fear of lions...I'll keep you updated though if it happens to change. Don't plan on it, it's not happening. True story.

All I Want for Christmas is a Riding Mower

I now see why when my house was purchased Mr. No said.."Wow, that's a big yard". I remember thinking at the time, um duh..more room for the kids to play. Now that I have taken over the current mowing situation I realize it kind of sucks. Alot. My dad always thought I had two left feet so he never taught me to mow. I specifically remember him saying.."Don't touch the mower, ever." And I was all, uh don't worry dad. So after a very quick mowing tutorial from my mom last week (basically showing me how to turn it on) I gave it a whirl. That shiz is not easy, and after you're done your arms feel like jello. The first mowing session was just a series of random zig zags with no apparent rhyme or reason. I'm pretty sure that my neighbors were peaking out of the blinds thinking..what the hell is she doing? Regardless, the job got done. With my second go round I tried to follow more of a pattern. In my head I was thinking, it's like vacuuming with blades.  Again, it got done. This time I noticed far less holes of random tall patchy grass. During the mowing I was daydreaming about filling my overly large sized back yard with rocks or pebbles. Like they do in the west where it's really dry. I mean I would totally keep the front yard grass, just fill up the back with Santa Fe type rocks. Of course, then that damn grass would probably grow through the freaking pebbles and I would have to figure out how to mow over them to get to the grass. That could be tricky. Someone could lose an eye. Okay, so I don't really have all the logistics figured out, but I'll keep it on the back burner just in case. Overall I think I'm on my way to being a mowing rock star..or at least until I can hire a really cheap lawn boy next summer.
So in conclusion. The moral of this story is times change, families change, lots of things change. I WILL not only be teaching my sons the great art of mowing, but my daughter as well. I can already here her whining in my head saying "Mom, I'm never ever gonna have to do this." My reply is going to be "Okay dear, just in case you decide not to fill your yard with pebbles, you should learn.".....
Happy Monday

If You Mess With My Kids I Will Cut You...

Yes, these last couple of posts have been a little bit angry. So I'm just warning you that if your looking for my blog to be sunshine and popsicles, puppies, rainbows and furry kittens, you might want to skip ahead to a couple weeks or so down the road to a less angry style of my blogging. However, I'm not making any promises, we'll have to see. Back to the cutting. I'm not a cutter, nor have I ever cut anyone, let's just make that really clear. Yes, I did get into a few small fights when I was younger but HELLO, they were just with my sibling and that really doesn't count. I'm not really a scrapper either, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.  NOTHING brings out my need to go all gangster and use words like "cut you" more that someone messing with my kiddos. I'm not super mom, and I have made some mistakes along the way, but I'm also not a rookie. OK you get the point. So I'm just gonna break this down for you all one hilarious step at a time. Recently, Mr. No has decided that he is just going to you know "couch surf" on different people's couches until he finds somewhere that feels right for him..No, it gets better. He then proceeds to tell me that he will be staying in his friends basement, basically a dark closet with one small window, on his weekends that he is "supposed" to be taking care of our baby...Who mind you is barely over a year. Now he has decided that in the "pursuit of happiness" it's completely cool to move in with some random chick and expose my child to this!! I hope he finds happiness, I truly do.  However, am I really being crazy or is stability overrated?  Anyway, the best way to handle this is just to laugh. I also have really great friends who are worth their weight in gold...or tequila. Lastly, I have decided that life sometimes throws you curve balls, but at this point I could catch a flaming curve ball, standing on my head with my eyes closed, backwards.
Conclusion: As much as I wanna get on board and embrace the hippie lifestyle and make baby beds out of roll out couches while tye dying slip on couch covers and weaving hemp into reusable diaper covers..the answer is still no. Stability IS NOT overrated. Get a clue sir. Inappropriate.

PS-If you wanted to become a nomad and live life so "freely", you might want to make sure you don't have a child with someone who is not afraid to use the terms "I Will Cut You."

Going Apeshit? Perhaps....

Can I say that? Well guess what, I just did. So..truly. What pushes the overacheiving single mom to this level of crazy? I think it's different for every mom. Some moms can handle more than others, but I'm guessing that for many single mom's their tolerance is higher than most. Tonight I was pushed to my limit. Yes...tonight my family brouht their A game. It went a little something like this. First, the older kids were out of school. Yes, I enjoy them. Yes, I miss them when their gone in school. Yes, it throws an unexpected wrench in my day when I forget they don't have school. Next, the baby has a fever..Crap. Is it lowgrade? I have to work tomorrow. The last time I checked, sitter's don't normally take sick babies (Duh)...Hmmm, maybe the policy has changed since I had my older kids. Ok..keep an eye on it..Maybe it will resolve, miraculously. Later in the day, a doctor's appointment for me. No, I can't miss it, it's for something important (sigh.) Which means, my mom comes over to baby sit while I go. Of course, after I make a crock pot meal for dinner and feed some of it to the baby I'm bouncing on my hip..Who is now sporting a mid grade fever. The higher fever earns him a dose of the purple fever reducing medicine. This is a two person job, to get him to swallow it and keep it down. When I ask for help from both the older kids they make eye contact, but they both let me know "how busy" they are doing homework and other sorts of school related activities. Dang it!!! Beaten by my own do your homework game!! Let's pause for a moment of silence...Whoa. At this point, all of my hopes that it might just be a low grade fever related to teething go right down the drain. I decide to wing it and solo wrestle  their brother down with a medicine syringe in my hand, to given him the goods.  Next comes football practice. My mom drops him off and I will pick him up later. My mom is definitely helping out and taking one for the team, and that's awesome,  but it turns out he was 40 minutes late to practice. Did I mention I gave her directions and she is even more directionally challenged then I am? Did I also mention that our group of coaches are like football Nazi's and there is some NO LATE TO PRACTICE RULE that they are always bringing up. We are not usually that late, most is about 5 minutes. However, I would of loved any of them to come over and start small talk about the importance of being on time to me; because it would of been like walking into a cave full of sleeping bears guarding their young. That is comparible to how I felt today. I think he sensed it, he made eye contact and looked away. Home finally. Next comes baths, snacks and the recheck of the baby's temperature. 103? Say what? I just treated it..holy balls. Popsicle, lukewarm bath for both of us (poor baby is extra clingy when he's sick.) Multitasking like a mo- fo I grab my phone and send a text to his father about taking off work to take care of the baby.(I'm sure you know how this is gonna turn out.) Reply, "Um, I'm sure we can work something out, I mean we'll see." REALLY, REALLY? I have to be at work in 10 hours...again REALLY? Flash forward..switching a day to later in the week to cover my shift, someone is looking out for us up there. 2 hours later..baby's temperature broke and he is resting comfortably in my bed, of course. Yes Indeed,  this could have turned into a lose my sanity and go apeshit kind of night really fast, but it didn't and HERE IS THE IMPORTANT PART..WHAT HELPS TO CURE THESE RANDOM BOUTS OF ANXIETY DRIVEN CRAZY...(for me anyways.)
1. Watching massive amounts of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. You can't even fathom the amount of laughter you will get from this show. Truly.
2. Medication. If your on some that is doctor prescribed DO NOT MISS A DAY. That shiz is like gold right now.
3. Caffeine. The soccer moms drug of choice. There is nothing else quite like it. However, you probably shouldn't do more than 10 cups of any caffeinated beverage during the day.
4. A glass of wine, occasionally. Don't buy the Franzia wine in the box kind. That pour spout is so much easier to use then taking the cork on and off repeatedly. You will find yourself down a whole box of Franzia and standing naked in your back yard. Overall, it might be cheaper to buy wine in a box but it's just not worth it.  Like I said, stick to the corked varieties.
5. If all else fails, screaming. But wait until your kids are in bed and sneak down to the basement and do like a modified version of it as not to scare the crap out of them. You also don't want to just start screaming at the top of your lungs randomly. If this happens your neighbors will either think you are getting robbed or possibly have you committed. Either way, not a good idea.
6. And for me..letting it work its way out of my system, usually in some form of journaling, writing or blogging. Hitting the publish button for me is like a Calgon take me away moment for others. It all just starts to fade away into the background, and then I can RELAX for now. :) ;)

Going Out..Girls Gone Childless!!

Yes a rareity.. I finally had some free time to go out. When I say "out" I mean out to dinner with a girlfriend. I went out with my friend Willow. She's another single mom who has been rocking that status for years. She totally has it together..works full time, mom full time, still makes time for herself, with just a little help from her family. She's a really cool girl too. She's that mom who is always going to trendy fairs, psychic shows and new age stores where they sell crystal rocks, voodo dolls and assorted astrological jewelry. One time she even read my palm!! So...we went to dinner and after a few drinks started the ritualistic chatting about the boys. I mean men, not our little ones (although I think little boys is a fair term sometimes.) Which led us down the line to the future and when we grow old and all that it entails.
 Basically..bottom line we broke it down to 5 things:
 A. If need be, it's ok to be a Wickan.
 B. Cat's are the old womens pet of choice (although I'm currently down a cat and I'm not going back.)
 C. Sometimes, you just don't have the energy to shave your legs to go out, and that's okay too.
 D. It's better to walk the world alone than to settle with bullshit on a daily. Willow you see..is very wise, and has never settled for anyone elses BS...for too long, that is. And finally...
 E. We're both pretty awesome, and have awesome kids!!
 It was really soooooo great to see her . I love being around her and all of her peace loving energy she gives off. She truly is one of the coolest moms I know. We also decided that we need to start this "girls gone childless" routine monthly. Stay tuned for future excitement.
PS..If I decide to go the Wickan route I hope they have a website on where to purchase rediculously awesome brooms...I'm just saying.

Tears In My Beer (or Vodka)

Today while having a conversation with a friend who is also going through a rather hard time (let's call her Mystical) I started balling and told her "I'm getting a divorce." It came out of nowhere. Like I said before I have been a master at hiding my emotions from people, almost like a soothsayer, and to her it was completely unexpected. I don't really know what happened. I think I was feeling some of her grief and I was listening to her talk and all of a sudden I felt like I really needed to just get it out. Then I felt guilty because of her horrible, horrible situation. It was good though..to walk through our  grief together and to talk about it. Flash forward...I come home later after work to an empty house(first weekend with Mr. No.)  I know to a lot of mothers this would be a GODSEND!!! However, my baby is still young and we as mothers (most of us anyway) are not wired to be away from them at such an early age. It's kind of unnatural. So I did what all moms do in a time of crisis and stopped and got junk food, a movie AND skinny girl drinks from Walgreens of course. And let me just clarify, that I think it would be totally worth the extra calories to drink regular vodka because whoever said this skinny girl vodka drink is great didn't taste it. So needless to say that yes...tonight I will allow myself to have some tears in my vodka, and me and my faithful companion, let's call him Fighto, will watch a movie.
PS-the picture is of my faithful companion, no I didn't give him any skinny girl vodka, he's just tired.

PPS-He is a fighting, humping  maltese with little dog syndrome, kind of like a pit bull but cooler, but more on that story later.

Changing My Last Name..Can it be Vanderbilt?

That's right, Vanderbilt. Actually my lawyer asked me the other day if I wanted to change my last name back to my maiden name. Well the thing about that is, I've had 4 last names. Yes, count them 4. I was born with my biological last name. Then my step-dad who I actually consider my father and the best man that I know adopted me under his name. Well you have to count my silly and too young, and too stupid to know any better first marriage last name. And here we are, 4 last names later. So when he asked me the other day I pondered for a few brief seconds and said um Vanderbilt of course. He gave me the blank stare that he always does when I have said something that stresses him out, so I backed down and said..Okay, I'll think about it and let you know (eye roll from him). It's not that I don't want to take my father's name..my maiden name, it's lovely and all. However, I feel as though I might be at a crossroads in my life where I just want to pick my own DAMN last name and NEVER change it again, because that is my last name and that's just the way it's going to be.
So here are some possible choices, weigh in on which one is your favorite or not favorite and post comments down below. Vanderbilt, Hilton, Busch, Smith, Kerrington, Kincaide, or you can suggest some names for me that you thought of.
Thanks

A Word About Firemen

So, the other day I was organizing in the basement and I accidentally bumped my hot water heater valve. Off it came, shooting water everywhere, steaming hot water all over my feet! Panic arises. Crap, I have no idea how to stop it or what to do. I grabbed a bucket to try and catch some of the cascading water. In my head this was an emergency, so I called 911. Okay, I get it. There are other SEVERE emergencies happening and this might have not been categorized as one to the 911 dispatcher. However, to a newly single mom it was a code 4 situation. The nice dispatcher on the phone told me how to turn off my water but I couldn't seem to find the shut off valve, whatever. I ran across the street to my new neighbors house and proceeded to ramble on at 100 mph about water, divorce, shut off valves (in my pajamas of course) bottom line could he come help and NOW! He did, and it was awkward. He felt the need to ask questions about Mr. No (ex hubs to be) and since he was helping me I felt obligated to answer them. Long story short, he got the water turned off until my wonderful father came over to fix the situation permanently. All was well in the world, as far as hot water heaters go. BUT AGAIN, come on FIREMEN if your not busy fighting fires or responding to some major emergency I definitely think that my hot water heater situation is equal to helping grandma to get her cat out of a tree. Help a single sister out!!

My Beyonce Moment

A Beyonce moment to me is defined as the exact moment in time when you have had ENOUGH. There are lots of strong women out there but Beyonce is just my go to gal for inspiration, probably because she did that song Survivor and all that. Anyhow, in my opinion, she is a force to be reckoned with. So my moment came when my ex (let's start calling him Mr. No) decided to tell me yet another lie about where he was going, when he would be home...Blah, Blah, Blah, you get the picture. I have had SEVERAL Beyonce moments in the past, several. Goes something like this, I kick him out, he's gone for a while, I let him come back, cycle, cycle, cycle. However, those times were just my pre- training moments. This time I knew there was no going back..I was done. DONE. DONE. DONE. Did I say done? Uh oh, crap. Now comes the hard part. What am I going to do? Will I be alright? Do I have enough help? Can I do this on my own? Are my children going to be forever scarred? Am I making the right decision? These questions will always be there to haunt me. What I do know, is that finally after a long time I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I can smile again. So to all of you ladies and gents going through your own Beyonce moments, stay strong, it gets easier!

A Time For Change

It's been coming for a while now. It should have came much sooner that it has..3 years sooner perhaps. Out of the minimal respect that I have for my soon to be ex husband I will spare the nitty gritty details of what happened in our marriage. What I will say is that tears have fallen, promises and hearts were broken and in the end there was no longer kindness. Why you say? Why does this happen to good people? I'm not really sure. I'm certaintly not an expert on marriage. However, I am bone tired and I am sick of constantly wearing my poker face to hide what had become of my life. Yes indeed, it is a time for change.