Top 12 in 2012

Just go with it....no particular order

1. Anxiety: When making friends always remember that the friend and I are most likely very similar. This is not super helpful when neither of us want to drive over a bridge in a particular small although super sporty red rental car. 

2. Boats: Overall, not a good idea. I will thank him publicly. He knows who he is. I had a very bad near drowning experience over the summer. Completely my fault (lack of judgement). He jumped in without hesitation. I will be forever thankful. We both know it...Moving on.

3. Cooking: I really hate it. It's a work in progress. I think it's a patience thing. I make excuses in my head like...maybe I would like to cook more it if I had granite counter tops? Or, Oooh, it's probably more fun with one of those colorful cool looking 21 feature all in one food processors? Let's face it. I have no idea how to even work one of those. Either way, my children get fed.

4. Dancing: The best dance of all is the "My period came," 15 second one. Do not judge me. I didn't say when I did this dance...I was sort of married in the beginning of the year. Either way, it can all be related back to one word. Ambien.

5. Emergencies: A single mom emergency is not always the same as an "actual" emergency.  I'm working on this too.

6.  Friendships: I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for the wonderful gals in my life. They know who they are. They are worth their weight in tequila.

7. Grad school: It's lurking...Rearing its ugly head every now and then.  Quite a few of my friends have already started programs. Whatever, overachievers. I'm going to continue to continually think about postponing it..For just a little bit longer.

8. Happiness: The other day I looked in the mirror and I saw myself.  Obviously. But this time I saw something different. Completely. I saw smiling eyes looking back. Sappy, but ABSOLUTELY true.

9. Idiots: Larger population in the single men gene pool. I'm not ready to talk about that yet. Eventually. But let's just say...slim pickens ladies. Slim pickens.

10. Kiddos: Easy to explain. My heart. My soul. My everything. I don't have to be a super mom. I just have to be their mom. I am blessed. Truly.

11. Vacation: Best to spend it with someone that you actually like. So much easier. Who doesn't like the beach after all? One day I will live by the sea.

12. Writing: I know it seems like I went in alphabetical order. That's because I did. You're thinking...OCD much? Although I didn't plan it that way. However, sometimes what comes out is completely different than what I originally perceived. In a good way. That is the whole lesson for 2012.  And the word that I am using to sum up my entire year is....... THANKFUL!!!!!!!!

This sh*t is REAL!!!!

Yes, this shit is real. This was a comment made by a friends relative on facebook. Back story. Wait for it, wait for it...... Basically, her relative in a nutshell is running out of unemployment time and now has to go out and search for a job. Lets keep in mind that  I write about things that I perceive to be funny. Fact...I am surrounded by a group of awesome folks who constantly keep me laughing. I can turn almost any situation into a WTF moment.  It's a gift. At least that's how I view it.   Please do not think I am  passing judgement. I understand the need for unemployment and how so many Americans today do not have a job. Men and women who are ready, willing and able desperately hoping for an opportunity to go back to work. I get that, I really do. However, I'm not exactly sure that the person in question falls into that category.  Either way...no if ands or buts about it, this was the most hilarious thing I have heard all week. I was consumed with breathtaking laughter for quite some time.  We both were . On a side note...I'm a big believer in "earning" your living. In my opinion, work is good for the soul.  I always say that if I won the lottery I would donate most of it. Ok..that's just a theory. That could always change. Here's just a short list of what I wouldn't purchase...
1. Gold toilets?
2. An excessive collection of some ridiculous looking figurines. In my head looks like Precious Moments...I don't know.
3. Obviously....no weird exotic type of animal...Especially if they fall into the big cat spectrum.
All of these things I have seen on the Lottery changed my life show. Unreal America. Starving children...No one needs gold toilets.

Conclusion: I AM IN NO POSITION TO JUDGE, but yes...This shit is real.

The Entitled Offspring

I think it might be time for an overall parenting makeover, on my part at least. True, my children are kind, polite, gentle and say please and thank you...BUT they are also acting a little entitled as of late. Here's how the story goes. I let my children open up one gift today. I usually let them each open up one  gift early.  My older son got an I tunes gift card. My daughter got a pair of cowgirl boots. The baby just some bath toys (he didn't really care, he was more involved in the paper.) Daughter: This is all I get? How come I didn't get something more fun? Son: Mom, We really need to upgrade the gaming system we have. We have something way cooler at our dads house. I shot them both a Medusa look. Me: Are you kidding me right now? You griped all fall about wanting these cowgirl boots. You think we need a gaming system update? What you both need is a REALITY CHECK. Do you know how many children don't even get ONE Christmas gift? Do you know how many children just want a hot meal? Walk away...followed by a count to ten, which ended up being a count to 50. How did these children get this way? Then it dawns on me. Oh yes....I'm part of the problem. So are their grandparents (many sets with divorced and then remarried parents.) Those poor kids..Let's make up for it by buying them every gift under the sun so they never have to want for anything. I'm guilty of it as well. I know. Fixing the problem. Hmmmm. This is a hard one. Teaching them the act of being appreciative needs to come from me. I need to model the virtue of a grateful heart. In my head I do this. I am very  grateful. Actually, the word that I am going to use regarding the whole year of 2012 is THANKFUL!!! I'm not sure why they're missing the message. I realize that some of this behavior is normal and that comparatively to their friends they are pretty appreciative. I have seen one of my daughter's friends have a full course melt down when she didn't get the right color of  shirt at her birthday party. I couldn't stop staring...It was unreal. In my head I kept envisioning those little ingrates on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. However, that doesn't do anything to help my cause. It just shows me that I need to definitely take action now. So here's what I'm going to do.
1) More volunteer work, with kiddos in tow. Soup kitchen, Elderly visits. There's got to be some sort of volunteer with your kids program.
2) Reinforce good behavior. Manners, kindness etc. Give credit when credit is due.
3) Buy them less, and instruct grandparents to do so as well.
4) Spending budget? ( Maybe, those words don't flow well out of my mouth)

Conclusion: That's all I have so far. I am going to start this after the new year. I will post about how it goes. I'm hoping for the best. I can't exactly go all "Swiss Family Robinson" and move them to a deserted island and catch our dinners and build our home. We all know how that would turn out. Bottom line. Saying does not go" Give your kids a fish so they can ask for a PS3," but I might be wrong :)

Preparing for the Snowpocalypse...

What happens when you combine the first snow of the season within 24 hours of the end of the world? In my head...Snowpocalypse, perhaps. Let me just preface that these 2 events are currently in the alleged category. Either way it means a trip to Walgreen's. I love Walgreen's. It's so close and it has a perfect combination of just about everything one could ever need. Yes...I know it's a little bit more expensive then the local grocery but well worth not having to drag 3 kiddos out too far in the rain (snowpocalypse precursor apparently). Mainly, what I needed was some chips and dip for a work shindig but I also decided to stock up on some things, just in case. In my basket: 2 bags of Tostitos, 2 jars of dip, 3 bags of Corn puffs (staple), 1/2 gallon of milk, scotch tape (never can have enough of this), pop and bread. The bread was a battle. There was only 1 loaf left and a older gentleman and I both locked eyes on it at the same time. I mean older as in 50ish. He looked at me and the 3 kids and then he realized he had lost, just on principal alone and strolled on by. He was irritated. Yeah..Merry Christmas to you too Ass, but out loud I said "Thank You" complimented with a huge smile. Whatever Grinch. I know...borderline boring story except for the Mayan apocalypse thing. Here's the funny part. Son: Mom, maybe you should grab an extra bottle of wine. Perhaps I'm sending the wrong message. Me: Ok dear, but I have some wine at home that has been sitting there for 2 months...Eye roll from me (seriously, when did he become so judgemental). Daughter: Why are all of these people here and why is everyone acting so crazy?  Son: Um duh...Didn't you hear that it's going to be the end of the world on Friday? Daughter: No...who the heck said that? That is just plain stupid. Me: Honey, don't use that word please. Daughter: Seriously, that is dumb....Me: I know dear. Agreed.

PS...Okay, all of those things in my grocery cart plus 1 bottle of wine. Red. It's good for the heart and it was ON SALE. I mean...just in case :)

Beans on the ceiling.....

This is a picture of my actual ceiling. If you look very closely, you will see something brown that resembles and is in fact, a bean stain. You're thinking hmmm, how odd? Not in my world. Here's my rationale. On a whole, parenting in general is stressful on most days. Comparatively equated to a ride through hell...if you will. It becomes twice as hard when you do the majority of the job solo. However, that being said, being a mother is also the best thing that has ever happened to me. I realize that the coupling of responsibility and joy these children bring into my life isn't something that I can even begin to measure. This is one of those stories and a reminder of how blessed I am to be their mom. Enough sapp. Ok. One day after I had finished eating dinner (beans was one of the sides) I started the task of clearing off the table and dish rinsing. My two older children were still eating. Of course, my back was turned to them and I was focused on dishes and not paying much attention to what they were doing. The baby was crawling around the living room and I didn't have much time before I needed to go and grab him. After I left the room I kept hearing giggling coming from the table. The giggling did make me a little nervous (usually means mischief)  but I was pretty focused on our nightly rituals at that point, which includes: baths, snacks, teeth brushing and bedtime. Nothing out of the norm. The next morning at breakfast for no particular reason in general I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Me: Uhhhh, hey guys...what is that on the ceiling? Kids: What, what are you talking about? Me: I don't know...the brown bean that is now clearly obvious and stuck to the ceiling. What a coincidence...we had beans last night at dinner. Kids: Weird...I wonder how it got there? Me: Yeah, me too. Followed by an extreme amount of smiling/laughter all while trying to keep a straight face, until I finally started giggling too. To clarify...I did remove the bean, but when my dad came and repainted the ceilings of my house I told him the kitchen was ok and that he didn't need to paint it. This was hard for my wonderfully perfectionist father. Him: You have some sort of stain up there...you sure you don't want me to paint it? Me: No dad, it fine. Him: You sure? It won't take long. Me: Dad...thank you but leave the DAMN bean stain up there... please. Him: You girls drive me nuts. Me: I know dad...I know. Yes, when it comes to my children I am somewhat sentimental. Along the same line as probably why I don't mind little hand prints on my mirrors (yes they get cleaned) but it makes me smile. Also the same reason why when my last child takes a sharpie to the wall instead of painting over it..I am just going to stick an empty frame around it. He's the LAST one...yes, last. It's an act worth commemorating.

Conclusion: When I am having an OMG mom moment where I want to lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes to escape the madness (and sometimes do)  I will remember that someday life will slow down. I will miss their laughter, their hand prints, their missing teeth under their pillows and even the damn Disney princess movies. I remind myself of that every time I see that bean stain on my ceiling. Life is too short. Kiss your little ones extra hard tonight and be thankful you have been given this opportunity. Not everyone has :)

Overwhelming the country mouse....

Ahhh. The city and the country mouse fable. One of my absolute favorites. I know that behind the story there is a deep rooted meaning of living a simple vs complex life and how by doing this the country mouse never wanted for anything and kept himself out of trouble. The city mouse...not so  much. Whatever, I get it. I'm part of the problem...I'm okay with it. When I was little I remember  thinking how bored that country mouse must be. Quick pause for capitalistic society upbringing recognition and thanks. I feel like we're working on it, kind of.  Ok..back to the real issue. I had a friend come and visit me this past weekend. He lives in and is from a VERY small town. My version of  a country mouse. He has traveled to larger cities prior. This was not his first outing...Thank you Jesus.  However, he was still surprised by what he saw. I do not live in a big city. It is located close to a biggish city. In my opinion it is rather small in comparison to I don't know...Boston (a big city in my head.)  Here is what made me laugh about the visit. At dinner I ordered a large margarita (not driving.) Apparently, margaritas are smaller in the country. Well here..in the city, we have small, medium, large and jumbo. The jumbo is a BIG one..2 hander. Another question. At the movies. Him: You guys have laser tag inside of your movie theatre? I was walking out and I did glance over at the Laser Tag sign that apparently I had never noticed before? Amazing what little things we take for granted. Me: Umm, I guess we do. I don't really "play" laser tag often. Why, you guys don't? Followed by a strange look. Ok, not super funny. I'm getting there give me a second. Another thing. Getting a pumpkin latte at Starbucks which is conveniently located inside my local Target (pronounced Tarjay...in my head, french and all :) ) Me: You guy's don't have a Starbucks in your Target? Him: We don't have a Target....Oh...Oh... The thing that impressed the  country mouse beyond belief turns out to be our local Waffle House. Goes like this. Him: Oh My God...What is that? That's your guy's Waffle House? Me: Uhh..Yeah, sure is.  Him: Wow, that's amazing!!! It's ridiculous. Where do the truck driver's park? Me: I'm not really sure? I don't think they go to that one. Him: Our Waffle House is like the size of a shoe box. Me: Are you serious right now? Out of all the things you have seen, the Waffle House is what makes you lose your shit?  Really??  Him: It's so new and shiny...and it's not gross like ours is at home. Me: Yeah...I wouldn't know, I don't eat there..If I'm feeling at all like waffles I would rather just skip it and do crepes, so much better overall.  Followed by the most bewildered look of sadness in his eyes that basically stated "I feel so sorry for that insanely beautiful Waffle House that you are to snobby to eat at here in the city look." Him: Can we stop and go in and take pictures? Me: No, we're not doing that. I'm sure there's some on the google...perhaps?

PS...In my defense, it was pouring down rain and I think that the Waffle House employees might have called the police if someone just walked in looking amazed and started taking random shots of the employees and the booths. Yes, he was also shocked that there were more than 2 employees working there at one time. I know...I know, I should of let him stop and do it. I will next time...Fine :)