Growing my Exoskeleton

Bullying. Life is full of bullies in one way or another. Easiest way to deal with them is to grow an extreme backbone. This task I've already completed. In light of recent events..I'm learning that I might need to also work on an exoskeleton. Other nerds get it. Pretty sure that single parents do as well.
In a perfect world ex spouses co-parent together perfectly. There is no arguing. They do holidays together as well as birthdays. I actually know someone who has this arrangement with her ex. It is really sweet. I'm not quite sure how she pulls it off. Either way, I envy her. Flash forward to my life...I'm standing literally in front of the judge in some sort of conference. I'm not really listening well. Partly because I can get a little distracted, whatever, but mostly because I hate the words that are coming out of his mouth. Remember old men always say I have sass mouth. Let's keep in mind that I WASN'T talking. The judge is going on and on about progressive parenting and how dads need more time with their children versus the standard custody arrangement. I completely agree. However, since my child is only ONE I also kind of feel that it's not fair to him that he have to split custody between both parents on a week here and a week there basis. Crib hopping is not a skill that I really want him learning at such an early age. I mean shit..can we at least just wait until it's at least toddler bed hopping? The judge proceeds to go on about how he doesn't care that my son has two other siblings at home, "sibling group isn't that important." Dude...WTF? It kind of is, but yes father time trumps it because he is the PARENT, got it. I've never withheld custody...even in the brief phase where his dad forgot that he needed a stable residence to live at. I felt like not only was I being bullied, but my attorney was as well. The judge clearly had his balls in his hands and was squeezing them. I tried to remain calm. I'm not really great at hiding my body language (again..like sass mouth minus the talking). The judge then proceeded to call me on my non vocal version of sass mouth, which ok...did kind of look like eye rolling and looking away. Yes, at 35 I got SCOLDED...It was REALLY, REALLY hard for me at that point to not say a word, but I didn't. I looked back to my friend for moral support. She looked worried, that's a bad sign. Thank God she's southern. I couldn't have brought a better person to help me to remain calm. Any of my other friends most likely would have hard a hard time containg their own version of sass mouth. It's been a very long movie for them to watch..It hasn't been easy for them, I know that and I love them for it. Enough said. Even with all of that I am complete agreement that my ex needs tons of time with his son which he has...it's just not split down the middle, he's just too little for that right now.

Conclusion: Less kittens and rainbow version of my divorce probably means a new attorney. Damn it. But let's face it...I've never been a kitten kind of girl...I'm okay with it :)

Wagon diving little brothers..

Being the middle child is hard, I hear. This complaint is frequently voiced by my daughter. She is stuck in the middle between two brothers ages 11 and 1. In her world, she's not cool enough for her older brother and well the baby is..you know how babies are, spoiled. I try to emphasize to her how awesome it is to be a big sister and how the baby will always look up to her. She is my daughter. She's not buying it. She gives me this hands on her hips glare...that speaks volumes as to my BS pep talk. Her baby brother loves her so much. He follows her around everywhere. He looks for her when she sneaks off to play in her room. His usual is to go in there and snatch a Barbie from the pile and take off running down the hallway. He has learned to say her name, and he does over and over. Very similar to the mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom chant... He will even reach up his hands for her to pick him up. Hernia might eventually be an issue considering she is barely double his weight and he is 18 months and he is 8, but whatever it's fine. Watching all of this through mom eyes is heart melting.
However, I did bare witness to a particular rough morning the other day, that has kept me laughing ever since. Here's how it goes. 7 am..I did my zombie pre coffee walk to the crib to get the baby out. He was awake. I picked him up and set him on the floor. The minute his feet hits the floor he is off and running, babbling, clapping looking for his siblings. They were in the living room still asleep. On non school nights they do this sort of camp out in the living room fort building thing and watch TV probably entirely too late and eat junk food. I'm okay with it, they're only young once. My daughter was still fast asleep on her little fold out couch. I kept walking and headed into the kitchen to start the coffee pot. A few minutes later I turned around and this is what I saw. The baby had oh so carefully dragged his little plastic radio flyer wagon over next to his sister's side. He was now standing inside the wagon and hovering next to her. Seemed odd? Without warning, he did what I can only describe as a full frontal open armed type of stage dive (from his wagon) on top of his sister, laughing and giggling the whole way. Ohhh...this child. Whoever said baby number 3 was going to be easy...was LYING, clearly. It all happened so fast and even though I was only steps away I didn't get there in time to stop the madness. Flash forward...My daughter crying, with this WTF startled look on her face. Meanwhile her baby brother still on top of her within about 1 inch from her face smiling. He had knocked the wind out of her. I was attempting to help while trying to keep from laughing. I saved those laughs for later when I had to walk in the other room because it was so hilarious but you can't just openly laugh..duh.. Finally, the crying has stopped. The baby had done his job and his idol was now awake and he began his normal day of playing. My daughter started her at this point well warranted middle child ranting. Daughter: See..this is why I hate being in the middle, and THIS is why it's so unfair, and why do I have to be the only girl? Me: Yes dear...it's completely unfair, and I have no idea why your little brother proceeded to wagon dive onto you this morning (giggle).
Conclusion: I see her point I do. There's nothing I can do to really fix it except lavish her with pedicures, clearly my only option...

PS: Picture of her taken on the actual morning of this incident. She obviously deserved a latte, decaf of course.